Quotes tagged as "funny-but-true" Showing 1-30 of 295
"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer." ― Charles M. Schulz
"The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart." ― Criss Jami, Healology
"..."vers libre," (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture." ― G.K. Chesterton, Fancies Versus Fads
"Drunken men give some of the best pep talks." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly." ― Carroll Bryant
"While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn't sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn't such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all." ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly,
"He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke." ― Carroll Bryant
"We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all." ― Mark Lawrence, Prince of Thorns
"Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off. Because if not, how boring would that be?" ― Alyson Noel, Radiance
"The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick." ― Carroll Bryant
"If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth." ― Michael Bassey Johnson
"I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"True devotion and humility is when you carelessly allow yourself to fall in love with things you consider will make you look inferior, which in essence, makes you superior." ― Michael Bassey Johnson
"...if you aren't, at any given time, scandalized by code you wrote five or even three years ago, you're not learning anywhere near enough" ― Nick Black
"Sometimes I shock myself with the smart I say & do. Then there are times where I try to get out of the car with my seat belt still on." ― Skylar Blue
"Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair." ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
"Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light." ― Regina Griffin
"Some people looove to feel offended because it makes them feel important. When your only tool is a hammer, suddenly every problem starts to look like a nail. And when the only time you feel relevant is when you claim to be offended, suddenly everything looks offensive." ― Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert
"Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!" ― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
"NOTHING TO DO BUT ALWAYS BUSY" ― Rigas
"It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower." ― Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends
"When boys get mad its not so bad When girls get mad world WW3 is about to start!" ― P.C. Cast
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